Monday, September 1, 2008

Things I Learned This Weekend

  1. It is nearly impossible to find anyone to service a broken air conditioning unit on a major holiday weekend.
  2. It is HOT on Labor Day in Indiana.
  3. You know the documentary footage you see on Animal Planet showing lazy lions and tigers basking on cool rocks during the heat of the day? Well, once the thermostat rises past about 85 degrees in our house, the cats go into survival mode and mimic the behavior of their larger cousins. This would be cute, except that in this scenario, Mark & I are apparently the rocks. Nothing like wearing a 30 lb. fur coat - a coat that follows you from room to room, mind - during a heat wave. Delightful!
  4. Regardless of what the advertisements may claim, surgical stainless steel is NOT hypoallergenic. I guess I'll add it to the list of things that make me break out into a nasty, itchy rash: penicillin, cephalosporins, ibuprofen, nickel, silver (raw or sterling), 10k gold, elastic, rubber, latex, nylon, and apparently some plastics. Of course, those are just the inanimate allergens... Oy!
  5. If you want to make a nasty, itchy rash even more miserable, just add 90 degree temperatures and buckets of sweat. Then try to sleep - but only with a plastic mask strapped to your face, of course. Sleep apnea, you know. Luckily for me, the part of the mask that is actually in contact with my skin made of silicone, not plastic... Otherwise, I'm sure that nasty, itchy rash would be all around my nose, too.
  6. I don't care what the Surgeon General or Major League Baseball say: steroids are AWESOME! I'm undecided about human growth hormone - but if rubbing it on my neck would get rid of my aforementioned nasty, itchy rash, I'd be all for it.
  7. I've narrowed down my remaining options: a) special-order a medical ID bracelet or necklace made entirely from 14k gold or platinum (hoping, of course, that I don't break out from that, too), which will easily cost upwards of $250, or b) just get the word D-I-A-B-E-T-I-C tattooed on my forehead. For that second one to work, I'd have to find a larger body part on which to list all my allergies, but that shouldn't be a problem. I think one asscheek would do it, leaving plenty of room on the other one for all my meds. Of course, with my luck, I'd be allergic to the tattoo ink, too. *Sigh!*
Wow. I know it's been a while now since I've had a job, but I seem to remember long weekends being a good thing... Maybe that's the key here: I've angered the Labor Day gods by my lack of actual labor.

I was going to say that tomorrow is another day - but a bit of research tells me that it will also be another 92 degree day, which is not much consolation. Oh, well - at least I don't have to go to work! ;>)

Hope you all had a great Labor Day!

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Now playing: Ben Folds Five - Regrets (Album Version)
via FoxyTunes

2 comments:

Jim Purdy said...

Your # 7 comment is hilarious.
:)

SaoirseDaily2 said...

Hot weather sucks! But fall is just around the corner. Ahh Indiana in the summertime, how I remember...I'll stay in the northwest. Have a fun and hopefully cooler weekend.